Girlfriend!...issues...
Hello everyone,
I just recently broke up with my girlfriend (no appologies yet please), And I have one (maybe leading to more let's see how this goes) question: Why is she so spiteful? Ever since I broke up with her she started accusing me of liking other people (not entirelly untrue but I never made a move at them). Mainly she accused me of liking my friend Erica. Erica is defanitly one of my best friends, but I wouldn't go out with her because we have just that certain ammount of differences. Now I don't know if anyone out there reading this has ever broken up with a girl and had such a breakup where the girl just goes ballistic. But if anyone did I'd really appreciate some advice and some guidance (I think that's like the same thing...) anyway, thanks in advance
Matt
I just recently broke up with my girlfriend (no appologies yet please), And I have one (maybe leading to more let's see how this goes) question: Why is she so spiteful? Ever since I broke up with her she started accusing me of liking other people (not entirelly untrue but I never made a move at them). Mainly she accused me of liking my friend Erica. Erica is defanitly one of my best friends, but I wouldn't go out with her because we have just that certain ammount of differences. Now I don't know if anyone out there reading this has ever broken up with a girl and had such a breakup where the girl just goes ballistic. But if anyone did I'd really appreciate some advice and some guidance (I think that's like the same thing...) anyway, thanks in advance
Matt
posted by nervchild at 3:55 PM
2 Comments:
Hello, Matt,
Here's the short answer: there is no short answer.
Don't like that one? Okay, then. Here's the truth:
There is no answer.
(How's this helping, so far?) ;^)
Having said all that, I now offer some observations. It's probably more honest to say that these are lessons that I've learned the hard way.
When two people break up, gobs of raw feelings flare up, maybe even more intensely than they ever did when the people were going out. The way it should work is that the couple would politely agree to a mutual and simultaneous loss of interest, and then the two individuals would move on in life.
Unfortunately, human beings are still, pretty much, version 1.0. We have these ideas about how we would like to act, if only we were much, much better, but . . . that ain't happening. Not yet. Maybe in another million years.
Meanwhile, breakups make us act our worst. We hurt, we resent, and we never know what to do about it. All too often, one's pain comes out as an accusation or an attack, directed at the other.
There is absolutely nothing simple about any of these feelings or actions. They are, in fact, the most complicated aspects of ourselves.
I wish I could tell you something that would make everything all better. But the only thing that I know about these situations is that there is no "something." There is no magic bullet. There is no quick fix.
Here is the best advice I can give:
First, let time go by. I know this seems hard.
Second, keep telling yourself that things will get better. I know this seems unbelievable.
Third, and by far the most important, be as nice as you can be. I know this seems impossible.
There's no way to say it, without sounding like a cliché, but here it is: Hang in there.
Ditto on the Brendan comments. When you break up with someone -- no matter who initiated it -- there is always hurt feelings. Most people aren't comfortable acknowledging the hurt. They try to cover it up or make it go away. To do this, they act out. It sounds like your ex- is doing just that: Covering up her sadness, confusion, blow to self-esteem (all perfectly normal break-up feelings) by creating some reasons to be angry.
It's much healthier to just say to yourself, "yeah, this is sad, and it hurts, and I feel confused, and my self-esteem is sufferering." If you can do that, then you'll be able to act out of honesty -- which will come across as nicer and more mature.
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